This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
