Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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