Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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