i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
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Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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