i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
