Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
