One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
