You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize