Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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