I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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