im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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