I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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