How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
