Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
