Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
