Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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