Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Randomize
