You're so nebulous sometimes
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
