Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
