after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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