D3 body, D1 cock
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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