How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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