real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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