i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
