So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
