do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
