I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
