wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's shark week go big or go home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
