Sponge bath it is.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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