Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
