feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
