I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
