Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
