So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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