Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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