Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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