i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize