1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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