Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
