Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
