Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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