That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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