New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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