Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
