man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
