He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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