i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
