Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
