Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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