You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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