Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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