Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
