You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
