i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize