If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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