My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
