Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
