If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
