The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
