i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
