We won't sleep together?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
