She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
