make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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