id be glad to
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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