There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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