I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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