I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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