i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
