I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i've created a new STD.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
