Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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