I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
