why didn't you poke me back
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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